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Practise y'all observe yourself dreaming of a life without your partner? Maybe in your dream life you're more interesting, have more friends, or fulfill your career aspirations. Feeling like your partner or your relationship is weighing yous down tin can be disruptive, but yous want to advisedly analyze your feelings before yous take activity. Earlier y'all make the decision to leave your relationship you lot demand to perform a self-cess. By identifying aspects of the relationship that are unhealthy and looking for ways you might exist stuck y'all can figure out if you lot're being held dorsum. Then, you lot can address the problem in a mature way.

  1. ane

    Cheque for codependency. A codependent relationship describes an unbalanced partnership in which one partner sacrifices themselves in the name of helping or "rescuing" the other. Such dysfunctional relationships can hinder personal growth in various ways, depending on who's doing the enabling.

    • If you are the enabler, constantly accommodating your partner'southward unhealthy or irresponsible behavior may require and so much of your energy that there is footling left over for your ain private growth. On the contrary, if your partner is enabling you, staying in this relationship could be edifice an attitude of learned helplessness inside you.[1]
    • There may exist more subtle forms of codependency at play as well. Consider if you are hesitant to push yourself out of your comfort zone — if you relationship is based mostly on feeling comfortable, with picayune growth happening.
    • If you notice signs of codependency in your relationship, you should seek professional counseling correct abroad. Signs may include lack of personal boundaries, people-pleasing, and excessive control.[2]

  2. 2

    Identify power struggles. Feeling powerless in life or in the relationship tin can lead to one partner exerting undue power over the other. To show their power, your partner may place unrealistic demands on you. Insecurity, fear of abandonment or concern about their own lack of achievement can prove up as lack of support or even jealousy.[three]

    • For instance, if you come up domicile with a great idea or good news, does your partner ask, "Why would yous want that? Why can't you be happy with how matter are?" This could exist a sign of your partner using guilt-trips or control to go on you stagnant.

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  3. 3

    Question if your partner is open-minded. Do you feel like y'all have to accommodate to your partner's expectations or preferences?[4] Narrow-minded people can be terribly difficult to deal with in general, but a narrow-minded partner tin can feel suffocating. When i partner is narrow-minded, it can feel like yous are being held back from exploring new aspects of life.

    • For instance, you share a dream of traveling the world, and your partner is outraged. "We can't afford that! Information technology's too unsafe to travel now-a-days!" Their response makes you less probable to explore and share your interests and dreams.
    • A salubrious relationship features two partners who have both mutual and dissever interests. If you find yourself having to give up passions considering they differ from your partner'due south, you could be being held back.[5]

  4. iv

    Notice commitment problems. [half-dozen] Consider whether you lot are ready for a deeper commitment but your partner is not. Sometimes, existence held back means one person wants to move forward in the human relationship while the other person is happy where they are.

    • If you and your partner have been together for some time, even so they turn down to advance the relationship to the next level, this could translate into you beingness held dorsum from getting the fulfillment you lot want in a partnership.[7]

  5. 5

    Look for a lack of empathy. Perhaps you are held back in the way that your partner isn't able to provide the emotional support you need. You lot continue waiting effectually for them to build you up or support you lot, just it never happens.

    • If your partner is emotionally discrete or immature, you could exist missing out on the opportunity to be with someone who tin can be vulnerable and empathetic with you.[8]

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  1. 1

    Determine if y'all have a articulate sense of self. [9] Do you feel defined by your partner or the relationship? Everyone changes during the course of a human relationship; however, if you feel like your relationship stole your sense of identity, it's common to feel held back.

    • This can be an easy set. Yous can develop separate interests and pursue new friendships to regain a sense of self in the human relationship; however, if your partner stands in the style of this, this could bespeak a bigger trouble.[10]
    • Pursue your private hobbies and make sure you both have friends outside of the relationship. You may want to program an evening each calendar week in which you each hang out with your own grouping of friends (sometimes this is in the class of a "girls night" or a "poker night").

  2. 2

    Ask yourself whether you lot are going after your dreams. Has existence in a relationship caused yous to remember modest? Did you once have wild dreams that accept now disappeared? During the course of a relationship, information technology's normal to alter your dreams and goals to run parallel with your partner's. But, if you accept given upwardly your personal aspirations for the sake of the relationship, you could exist being held dorsum from reaching greater heights.[11]

    • Or, ask yourself if y'all have put bated your own aspirations to support your partner'due south dreams. Practice you want to write a novel, but y'all spend all your free time going to your partner's shows to support their musical career?

  3. 3

    Cheque for hopelessness. A clear sign that your relationship is holding you lot back is letting get of dreams and no longer trying to progress in sure areas of your life. If you feel hopeless that things will get better, or y'all have to convince yourself of the lite at the end of the tunnel, your relationship could be a detriment to both your personal growth and your mental health.

    • A healthy partnership should enrich your life, not brand you question "Is this all at that place is?" Hopelessness can be a sign of depression. If you believe your relationship is making you depressed, talk to your doctor as soon equally possible.[12]

  4. 4

    Make sure you have really been communicating your needs. [13] Losing your identity, giving upward on your dreams and feeling hopeless can all make you feel stuck, just these obstacles can be overcome. If yous oasis't been communicating your dissatisfaction with your partner, then you can't justly blame your relationship for your unhappiness.

    • Have you sat downwards and clearly communicated your thoughts and feelings to your partner? If you haven't, then yous need to pencil in a time to talk. Your partner may be willing to piece of work with you lot to make the relationship more satisfying.
    • If you have talked to your partner about your feelings and there was no change, information technology may be fourth dimension to motility on from this relationship in order to find greater fulfillment.[fourteen]

  5. 5

    Be honest with yourself. Encounter if you are confusing being held back with your ain complacency or fright. In some cases, you lot tin can autumn prey to the notion that "the grass is always greener on the other side." Y'all believe your relationship is holding you lot dorsum when, in fact, you're immobilized considering you're comfortable where yous are or you're agape to try something new.

    • Assess your expectations. Have yous been blaming your partner for a lack of progress in your own life? Are you placing the cardinal to your happiness in your partner's hands? Keep in heed that you are the only i who tin brand y'all happy.[15]
    • You may want to have a solo day or weekend trip to proceeds some perspective. Enquire if yous are taking responsibility for your own happiness and fulfillment. A solo getaway provides you with the time and space to self-reverberate without the influence of your partner.

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  1. one

    Talk to a friend. A little perspective tin can aid you lot get to the lesser of your human relationship quandary. Reach out to a close friend or family unit fellow member who knows y'all well. Ask this person what they think.

    • You might say, "Hey, Don, I'm concerned that my relationship with Toni is holding me back. I don't feel like she supports me or encourages me to push towards my goals. What's your stance?"
    • Your friend may shed some insight that you didn't notice. For instance, they may respond, "Well, I obviously don't know what's going on backside closed doors, simply I am concerned that she doesn't want yous to hang out with friends. She seems very controlling."[sixteen]

  2. 2

    Decide what yous want to do. Later you have considered the aspects of your relationship that make you unhappy and sought advice from a friend, you have to brand a determination. Will you limited your feelings to your partner? Will you come upwardly with ways of growing while maintaining your current relationship? Or do y'all want to end the relationship?[17]

  3. 3

    Communicate with your partner. [18] Whichever route you choose, y'all volition demand to have a forthright conversation with your partner about your feelings. Pull your partner aside and let them know that you want to talk. Schedule a time when you lot both can dedicate your full attention to the discussion. Turn off your phones and remove any distractions.

    • If this is your first time bringing this upward, you might say, "I feel like I am not existence supported by this relationship. I feel held back. I wanted to share my feelings so nosotros tin begin options to improve the human relationship."
    • If you are choosing to finish the relationship, you might say, "I have put a lot of thought into this, and I call back we should break it off. We have completely different goals for our futures. By staying together, we are sacrificing our goals for the relationship. I want us both to achieve our dreams, so I think it's best if nosotros break up."

  4. 4

    See a couples therapist . If you both want to piece of work on the human relationship and find ways to make it mutually satisfying, you should consult with a couples therapist. A therapist can help y'all identify roadblocks that are hindering your growth (individually or together) and aid you overcome these barriers.

    • Find a couples therapist past searching for one in your local surface area through resource like Psychology Today.[19]

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Add together New Question

  • Question

    Can an unhealthy relationship exist stock-still?

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Managing director of spiral2grow Matrimony & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York Urban center. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Expert Answer

    In many cases, yes. Commencement by talking to your partner about patterns and behaviors you call up are unhealthy. Then, work together to find solutions. Take activeness to work toward your solutions so you can start improving your relationships.

  • Question

    Should I alter myself for my partner?

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Managing director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Omnibus Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Wedlock and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical fellow member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Autobus Federation (ICF).

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Expert Answer

    Yes and no. It's normal to evolve every bit a person when you become into a relationship. However, you shouldn't lose your connection to your sense of self or abandon your personal interests and goals. Stay true to yourself.

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